Today, one of my childhood friend, successfully being accepted as government servant. What a big achievement for me. Yet for most of Malaysian i think.
As we grew older, seeing one by one achievement unlocked by people surround us making us triggered to be the same way. Without realising that we're not in the same shoe. Well that just everybody will feel right?
However, for me, myself, this will degrade my self esteem. Why i cant be that success too? What am i lack? My parents should be embarrassed to have a daughter like me? I couldn't make my parents proud? What is my achievement I've made through this 24 years?
I failed in everything. I have no friends. At all. I have lost contact with my childhood friends, school friends, matriculation friends even friends in university. I barely can make good relationship with people. I failed in build healthy friendships. See how lonely i am? Next month i will be 25 year old. But never in my life i had a boyfriend. I don't know how it feels to have a boyfriend, to have someone that we can share every single moment of our life with. I've never felt all those things.
How to wake up from all these? How to be a better person? I need to change. But it is not simple. I need to have proper job, better job first. I need a job that just only in weekdays. I need me time on weekends. Our life isn't just for work right? So that i can do many things on weekend to strengthen my soft skills.
I need to reconstruct my life journey so that i can have better experiences which i can share to my future grandchildren and make them proud to have me in their life.
Seek as many knowledge as i can. Just like Budak Tomato. How adorable he is. He is my idol in my life. Yet he change my life indirectly. I hope that one fine day, i can meet him and i know it is him being himself, not as Budak Tomato. I want to thanks to him for opening my eyes, makes me be a better person, makes me be who i am today although i am not somebody.
So for the coming 2020, i hope i can produce a better me version. That can give more than take. That is valuable for the ummah.
Keep walking dear myself. Your shoe is not same as others. Your journey might be different. Your time might be late from other. Just have a faith in Allah. He know best. He always does.
